“Just let it go.”
This was the advice I received after a difficult confrontation between me and a friend.
Each person saw things differently through their own life lens. Each person held baggage causing closed minds and the passage of time mixed up the memories of the event. My friend said, “Just let it go.” I didn’t want to let it go. By letting it go, I was surrendering a point I knew I was right on. By letting it go, I was backing down and becoming a doormat. Or was I?
How do you know when to let something go and when to stand your ground?
Take Shannon for example, who lives in an upscale Atlanta suburb. While chatting to the moms at her daughters new school, one mother said, “Over there are some moms like you, you could talk to them.” Shannon couldn’t help but notice all the moms in the group she was directed to were overweight and in yoga pants like she was. Shannon was hurt. Why on earth would this mom say that to her? But should she say something? Should she let it go?
A lot of factors go into to whether or not to say something or let it go. Things race through our heads but get tangled up in the hurt we feel. So what to do?
Clarify.
In my situation, I clarified my beliefs to the other person on why I was hurt and left it there. The relationship has never been the same, however, I stated my point and stood up for myself. If I didn’t say anything and let it go, the relationship would be strained and me left with a heaping pile of hurt. I would have felt like a doormat.
As for Shannon, she could clarify the comment. Shannon is assuming the comment was hurtful as she is overweight and self-conscious about it. She could simply ask, “Oh ok! What makes you say that?” By asking for clarification, Shannon is standing up for herself and letting the other party know their words matter. If the comment was meant to be hurtful, Shannon now learned what this group of moms is like, or if it was an innocent comment, Shannon can end the situation right there rather than playing the conversation over and over in her mind all day.
By asking a clarifying question, while being kind and smiling, empowers you. And that is always a good thing.
