“Honey, we need to talk,” I say. Those words from a woman’s mouth causes a man to drop the remote.
“About what?” he asks. He blows out a sigh.
“Honey, we are not dating anymore. I am not going to ask you what you are thinking or why you didn’t call me after our date,” I explain, “I am not going to talk about the future of our relationship. You put a ring on my finger years ago, we can move past that.” I continue.
His shoulders relieve themselves but his face and pooched out upper lip look uneasy. He is awaiting bad news.
“Is it about me not cleaning out the garage last weekend?” he asks, almost hopeful.
“What about the fact I didn’t call you last Thursday night when I was late getting home from work?” he asks.
“Nope,” I answer. He looks at me intently. I need to let him off the anticipation hook.
“Well, we need to talk…well…about ‘how to talk’.” I say. He just stares at me, blinking. His face says, “You’re kidding me right?”
“We’ve been talking for 20 years, I thought I had it down.”
“I think you do great. I need to point out a couple of things to help you understand how a woman processes information,” I explain. “A woman needs to talk about things the same way men talk during a sporting event.”
“Take for example the instant replay.” I say. “When something happens during a game, you watch the instant replay from all angles to get a clear picture on how, why or what the call will be right?” I ask him.
“Yes,” he answers, cautiously.
“Well, when something happens in a woman’s life that is eventful, she needs to talk about it from all angles and replay it many times before making the call on how to handle the event. Make sense?” I ask with my eyebrows raised.
“Ok, I am with you,” he answers.
“Or how about when there is a debate on which play to run next? Should they kick the field goal, run or pass the ball? There is a lot of conversation about what to do next, right?” I ask. I notice a glimmer of understanding starting to form. “Sometimes, women need to talk about which way is the best way to go,” I say.
“So, when you talk about things, you want me to talk as if I am talking about plays in a game? Talk about every angle, replay and ways to handle the situation?” he asks.
“Yes,” I state. I think we have an understanding. His upper lip moved back into place.
“So…honey? Does that mean we have timed quarters and the 45 second play clock to limit the amount of talking?” he asks with that smirk I find irresistible.
I look at him with my own smirk and wink, “As long as I get to go into overtime.”