A Remote Control for Kids?

what button would you create?

humor for moms

Parents often joke they wish their new baby would arrive with an instruction manual. Can you imagine the size of the manual?  The toddler and teenager chapters alone would cause back and eye strain.  So, how about a remote control tucked in the diaper bag before leaving the hospital?  It’s simple, easy to use and batteries would be included.  Just think of the possibilities.

Volume Button

Very helpful to turn the volume down on 10 year olds singing Justin Bieber songs in the back seat of the van as you are driving carpool.  Also good for turning the volume up while your child and his friend are whispering to each other while looking at you through the corner of their eye.

Channel Up/Down

This button would allow the parent to change the channel between an afterschool attitude episode and a moment of peace.  Or perhaps change between a temper tantrum and nap time.

Power Button

Gives the parent an opportunity to turn the child off at any time.  The parent would then have a moment to collect themselves before reacting to the situation.  For example, why flour is all over the deck to replicate the surface of the moon?  Power off until normal parental breathing has returned.  Also, handy for parents of teenagers to power them on in the morning when there is no movement under the covers after repeated attempts to wake them up.

Setup Button

Utilized for those times when a 4 year old dresses himself with bright orange shorts and a pink tee shirt.  Just push the button to set up their clothes to not offend the neighborhood.

Pause Button

Directly related to dealing with a toddler.  No other explanation necessary.

Fast Forward

To be used during a sibling fighting match or perhaps the time it takes a school age child to pick up her room.


Use for repeating situations of disbelief.  Like when your 12 year old thanks you for driving them to school at 7am every morning.  Also, handy for the hug on Mother’s Day or an instant replay of a moment of love between siblings.


Great for those moments of “I’m bored, there’s nothing to do.”


To capture the first “I love you”, or when you hear Mommy for the first time.  Proceed to hit the rewind and play button numerous times after that to relive the moment.  Pause button may be interjected here to take a moment to cry.

Last/Memory Button

Great for when you have completely forgot what you were saying.

Menu Button

Allows you to choose from a behavior menu which child behavior you are in the mood to parent.

Help Button

This is perhaps the most frequently used buttons for parents.  Push button as frequently as needed.

Mute Button

Use when kid’s back talk or sass.  Very useful during a temper tantrum of a toddler or the hormonal rampage of a teenager.

There are many useful buttons on a remote control, but only one is the most wanted by parents.   They would choose this button over all the above.  What button is it?  The ‘Stop’ button.  It would stop time that goes by way too fast.

About Tracy Heins 143 Articles
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