The Four Stages of Girlfriendship

How we "date" a new friend

stages of friendship

Young girls share everything with their girlfriends, grown women, not so much. There are stages of friendship women go through. As young girls, friendships formed in algebra class or summer camp. We talked about boys, hairstyles, or what to wear to the dance. As women, our lives are complicated. By the time you reach thirty, you’ve probably been burned by another woman. Whether it was a betrayal of a confidence, or too much competitiveness, some of us are gun shy to move into new friendships. Therefore, we need to “date” a potential girlfriend.




Different stages of girlfriendship.

The “all is wonderful” stage

  • You like her but need to test the friendship waters.
  • You pick up the house before she visits, and you light a candle to cover the smell of dirty laundry.
  • You don’t let her know any secrets…yet.
  • You let her see that everything is fine and happy in your world!
  • You have your “best mom” behavior on while you channel June Cleaver.

The “I am not perfect, but…” stage

  • You still like her but begin to dip in the shallow end of friendship waters.
  • You leave the laundry room door open and don’t pick up quite as much when she visits.
  • You let her know you watch the ‘Home Shopping Network’ until midnight.
  • You wear a baseball hat and workout pants on a coffee date, but still wear lipstick.
  • You put your son in a “time out” at her house.

The “take a chance stage to see if she returns your phone calls”

  • You begin to swim in the deeper end of the friendship waters.
  • You leave the laundry room door wide open with 10 loads of laundry on the floor and there are dishes in the sink when she visits.
  • You are glad she comes to your house early for a party and stays later than everyone else.
  • You begin to call her your “girlfriend” when you introduce her.
  • You admit you have no idea what you are doing when your two-year-old has a tantrum in front of her, and you notice she agrees half the time she has no clue either.

The “she knows all about you and still likes you” stage

  • You hold your breath and jump from the high dive of friendship.
  • You become her kids’ emergency contact at school.
  • You’re confident neither of you has to call before coming over.
  • You know that if someone makes a dig at you, she will reply  before you can.
  • You’ve cried together.

And, finally, you know you have made it through all four stages when you call, she picks up and you say,”It’s me.”

About Tracy Heins 140 Articles
No Makeup Required (NMR) was founded in 2009 for you, and it has nothing to do with makeup.(Read why here) Here you will find inspiration, encouragement, wisdom, a new book, a new career...or yourself. We bring women from history and the present together to inspire YOU to be your OWN woman. We believe beauty is defined by being who you are. What's keeping you from being you? ...It's not you, it's The Masks. (Read more here) We work hard everyday giving you content to remove those masks. Welcome to a new kind of website for women.

1 Comment

  1. Great post about girlfriends! I love that I can be myself around my girlfriends. Great post!

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