Should You Have Lunch With an Old Boyfriend?

old boyfriend

Sometimes we want to ignite an old flame and sometimes the flame is better left extinguished. With the rise of social media over the last decade, friends and boyfriends from your past can find you and may want to meet up with you .  But should you? Our women panelists answer the question, “Should you meet up with an old boyfriend?”, and offer insight for you to ponder while you make your decision.

An old boyfriend from high school has contacted me through social media.  I am happily married with three kids.  With that said, the old boyfriend wants to get together for lunch and catch up.  Should I even go down this path or not?  It seems harmless.  Asked by Becky – Santa Monica, CA

heidiJones1I don’t think there is anything wrong with meeting up for lunch to catch up. I would run it by your husband and see if he has any issues with it. Not because you need his permission but because it is the considerate thing to do and you would probably want the same courtesy if the shoe was on the other foot. A catch up lunch does seem harmless and could be a fun trip down memory lane. Heidi – 30 something


Life CoachThank you for bringing this question in – because in this modern world of “Facebook” and “Twitter,” this kind of situation pops up all the time! There is no “one size fits all” answer – it is all about you and your intuition. If there is a part of you that is unsure, that is worth respecting and investigating before you make a decision. Jamee Tenzer – 40 something


annGlaserI had the weird experience of having 2 different old boyfriends contact me the same year. I first wrote back to each of them and gave them an update on my life-husband, kids, and work status with a very brief synopsis of the past 10 -15 years of my life. After they wrote back I started to feel uncomfortable. I realized that I had finished those relationships and whereas I didn’t wish them ill, I also didn’t want them in my life. I would suggest you also keep yours out of your life. Only if they are someone you would invite over for dinner with the family are they worth revisiting. But that is my two cents. You may feel differently…. Ann – 50 something


margeGiuntoliSure, go ahead. But bring hubby along to share in the joy and don’t forget the pics of the kids and the dogs. If your friend truly wants to “catch up” he needs to know the reality of your present life, which will effectively smash any fantasies he is entertaining. Going alone could translate quickly from harmless to harmful so be careful if this is your choice. The red flag he is flying could very well be looking for your white flag of surrender. Why does he need to know more than what you post on Facebook? If he pushes for private time, run for the laundry pile and remind yourself where your true commitments lie.   Marge – 70 something