Life is competitive and when raising kids, there are competitive parents. When a friendship is on the line, situations get complicated. How would you handle this sticky situation between friends? Our wise panelists chime in as well.
“My daughter tested into Honors classes at her high school. My friend’s daughter didn’t make it. My friend made a comment about how surprised she is my daughter made it in. That hurt and has created a riff in our friendship. Do I let it pass or talk to her about it?” Cynthia
I think I would feel hurt in a similar situation. Friends often think they understand all there is to know about our lives and our families, which is not always the case. If it was a one-time gaffe, I’d be tempted to consider it a simple mistake and try to move on. However, if you’ve had to deal with this on more than one occasion, it’s hard not to reconsider the friendship. I find it difficult to give advice without knowing the tone of the statement (or how long she might have gone on about it), but I know I have said things that I regretted and luckily my friends let it slide. – Amy Cast – 40 something
As with most things, when people say things that hurt, they are usually feeling pain themselves. She may have been disappointed by the fact that her daughter didn’t get in and instead of being honest about that, she said something about your daughter. In other words, this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. However, it is important to share your feelings if this friendship is important. If you can just share how you feel honestly without blaming her – you may feel some relief. You cannot control other people – but at least you can help yourself feel better. Good luck and congratulations to your daughter! – Jamee Tenzer – 40 something
This answer is simple. Let it pass. Are you intending to continuously carry around a self composed script of what other people can and cannot say to you? Yes, it hurt. But so does stubbing your toe on a chair. The issue is how much attention you are giving to what she says and why it hurt you so much that you feel a need to extend the conversation. What are you expecting her to say? Lick your own wounds and remember that your friend has a right to comment in whatever way she chooses. Your choice is how to act in a mature fashion when you don’t like what she says. Suck in the lower lip and move on. – Marge Giuntoli – 70 something