Is Flirting While You Are Married OK?

Advice from wise women

competitive women

Sometimes I flirt with other men other than my husband. It’s pretty harmless and not very often but I wonder if it is normal.  Is flirting while you are married ok?  Jenna – Oklahoma

Our panelists answered…

mariacowellSure, flirt away.  Everyone needs a boost to their feeling sexy quotient. However, just make sure no lines are being crossed. Also, keep flirting with your husband, then you get to act on the feelings flirting brings up!  Megan – 30 something



Amy BrownYes and Possibly. It’s understandable to want to be appreciated by someone other than your husband – after all, you are married, not dead! That said, I’d recommend you use the ‘mom’ test. If you would be embarrassed if your mom saw you, it’s prudent to examine what’s going on more closely. Another test I like is, ‘if I saw my husband engaging in the same behavior, would I think it was inappropriate?’ It’s great that you’re raising the question – I take this as a sign you care about your marriage.  Amy B. – 40 something

Amy C.Hell yes its normal, I’d even say it’s healthy.  Because you said it was “harmless” and “not very often”, it falls under the Lets Be Human category.  And to be honest, getting a nice smile from a man other than my husband helps me feel attractive and sexy, which is good for my — and my marriage’s — well being.  If you’re not doing anything that would cause yourself, the other man, or your husband any discomfort, than flirt away!  Amy C. – 40 something


friend contacts you on social mediaHow would you feel if your husband “flirted” with other women? While it might be normal, it is not harmless. Even innocent flirting can harm the trust between a husband and wife. I always think if I wouldn’t like it if my husband did it, then I shouldn’t do it either.  Helene – 60 something



Marge G.Yes, it is normal to flirt.  Women have been doing it for ages.   But it’s not always wise when you are married as you may convey a message to the other man that you are ill prepared to handle.  Then it very well may develop into something harmful.  However, if your intentions are honorable, it’s okay to let a man know you enjoy his company or that you think he is attractive.  Keep it light and keep sex out of it.  More than likely you are looking for approval or validation that he thinks you attractive also.  If you are looking for a more intense reaction, then you need to explore your motivations and see what is lacking in your marriage that makes the flirting attractive to you.  Marge – 70 something


  1. Flirting with other men/women is very harmful. If you want to flirt, flirt with your husband or wife. If you want to feel appreciated, then do something for your spouse that makes them feel appreciated. It’s very deflating to know that you aren’t enough to make your husband feel appreciated, that he has to get it from other women.

  2. The question isn’t whether or not flirting is normal, but whether it is an appropriate thing to do if you are married. In my mind, it is only appropriate to do if a) your husband/wife has agreed that you can or
    If you are flirting with your husband/wife. Otherwise, I would say it’s highly inappropriate. The intent of flirting is almost always to make something romantic happen. If that’s not your intent, then its dishonest to whomever you are flirting with. Also, it seems like insecure behavior. Why do you need outside validation? Would you be comfortable with your husband flirting with other women? If you are not sexually/romantically available to others, you probably should not be flirting.

  3. I feel flirting is appropriate given the personality type of the person. Some people have the ability to flirt with other people outside of their significant other and keep it just at “flirting” (nothing more and nothing less)…..while others will take it steps further than flirting (emotional cheating, physical cheating etc etc). Most who say no to flirting….have issues with over indulgence I feel (They have no off button). Some people are able to flirt and translate that energy into positive sexual tension between them and their significant other time and time again without cheating on their partner.

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