How do I handle my husband losing his job. I am having a hard time telling people. Not my close friends but the moms at school and book club. I shouldn’t have to tell them but when they see him at home, they just ask if he is ok or on vacation. I don’t want to be judged. Any wisdom for me? Amanda – Burlington, MA
So often, when we are concerned about being judged, we are judging ourselves most harshly. Take some time to be honest and ask yourself; where are you judging yourself and where might you be judging others? Would you be willing to let go of that judgment? Can you replace it with forgiveness and understanding? Once you let go, you will no longer be concerned about the judgment of others and it will be easy to share with your friends and benefit from their support. Jamee – 40 something
My primary piece of advice: do not feel any guilt or shame that your husband has lost his job. My husband has gone through 2 layoffs in the last 5 years — I can honestly say that this is a very tough period of time to be living through. Even if companies turn a profit, they are under a lot of scrutiny these days, and are very reluctant to keep on any extra employees. This is a condition of our era, not a reflection on you or your family.
In both instances, my husband found his next position precisely by letting people know he was looking. It was through friends and contacts that he was able to find open positions to apply for. By letting acquaintances know that your husband is looking, you will actually be greatly improving his chances of finding the next position.
But most of all hold your head high. The moms at school and book club will most likely being taking cues from how you tell the news: if you are matter-of-fact and talk about how your family is going to get through this by working together, there is no doubt they will think very highly of you. Amy C. – 40 something
I believe in honesty in everything. You don’t need to tell people if they are not close to you, but it may actually help you. When we share our misfortunes we often find that people are kind. Or you also may find out that other people are hiding their own family’s struggles. Secrets aren’t helpful. They keep us isolated and alone. Reach out to your friends and share. And reach out to your acquaintances when it feels right. I think you will usually find that people are not judging you but rather will help support you! Ann G. – 50 something
Your focus should not be straying to other moms at book club think. Sounds like you are trying to maintain an image at a certain level and are letting others determine your self-esteem. Not good. You owe no one any explanation and instead should be focusing on your husband’s feelings and the impact on your family. Losing a job can be a huge trauma. If the questions are out of genuine concern and you feel the need to offer explanations, just say he is transitioning and let it go at that. But, if you know they are inquiring for gossip fodder, I go find people who might offer friendly assistance instead of destructive judgments. Marge – 70 something
