Is it appropriate for people to comment if my toddler looks like me or my husband? It just rubs me the wrong way. Asked by Sonia – San Diego, CA
When you are a new mom, your baby is the most beautiful thing in the world to you. Sometimes the comments people say to you can hit you the wrong way. Here’s what our panel answered to Sonia:
I don’t consider it inappropriate for people to comment on similarities between children and their parents. If anything, I think that it’s a way for people to strike up a conversation about the child or to give a compliment on how much they resemble a parent (or both). Children are going to have features that mimic or closely resemble those of their parents–that’s just genetics. So, try not to take offense. More likely than not, people are simply trying to compliment your fabulous dispersion of DNA. Marjorie – 30 something
I like to believe that in general, these types of comments are intended to create connection and be complimentary. With that in mind, my advice would be to assume positive intent, and say ‘thanks!’ Amy – 40 something
Sonia, this is an interesting question. It actually is more about manners and social traditions. Most people comment about your children with the intention of connecting with you and giving you a compliment. However, for people who have adopted a child or used a more “modern” approach to having a child, such comments can be awkward. I encourage you to transcend your feelings of judgment towards this behavior and just smile and say thank you. Louise – 60 something
Well, it really isn’t appropriate but it is common. People generally do not mean any harm in their comments and, more often than not, mean them only as compliments. Today’s medical technology offers many conception choices, and of course adoption is still an option, so it is best to respect the parents and not comment on the lineage at all. When strangers comment, just let it roll off your shoulders because people are always going to say things that annoy you. However, relatives have every right to comment on genetic look-alike features and friends are just remarking on similarities they like in both of you. Why wouldn’t you want people to notice your child looks like his mother or father? There would be trouble abrewin’ if the toddler looked like the milkman… Marge – 70 something
