I am a mother of two school age kids, 41, and married. My night school teacher has been flirting with me. I find myself wearing different clothes and actually putting make-up on before seeing him at school. I love my husband after 14 years of marriage, and feel guilty about having these feelings. I can’t talk to anyone about this! Is this all normal? Asked by Lillian – Petersburg, VA
My gut tells me this probably happens more than you think, but it is something you want to address before it becomes an issue. Guilt can put a very big wedge between people. I would start with talking with a counselor, a lot of insurance these days covers up to 12 visits a year. Having someone that is completely there for you without any agenda is very freeing. Heidi – 30 something
Oh, this is a slippery slope! I am all for some simple flirtation, but this has danger written all over it. I’d say Step Back. While there is nothing wrong with some smiles & nice conversation, the fact of the matter is, your child is smack-dab in the middle. Plus, the man has a family of his own; you have a husband you love. I see this going nowhere quickly. No need to hide from the man, but this is one of those situations where the end result is nothing but pain. It’s very normal to be attracted to men besides your husband, but play this out in your head a bit: if you did go farther with your feelings, where would you end up? A very ugly place, that’s where!
The point is: you can’t necessarily control your feelings, but you can control what you do about them. Amy C. – 40 something
Of course it is normal! I assume you are not dead! Handsome (especially charismatic!) men and beautiful women always get the juices flowing with the opposite sex, married or not. However, you are fantasizing about someone who is real flesh and blood, as opposed to someone like George Clooney who doesn’t know you exist and therefore is no threat to your marriage. Assuming your relationship with your husband is solid in all respects, and I mean all, just ride this infatuation out and it will pass when you are not in the position of having to see or hear about this teacher. This crush is what I call “incident specific” in that when your child is out of this class the opportunities for interaction will lessen and so will your interest. If you begin to wonder if he feels the same, and you want him to, explore your motivations and consider what consequences you will be willing to handle if both of you choose take it further. He may just be flirting to boost his ego, which may be your intentions also. There is no harm there, as flirting keeps life interesting as long as it stays at that level. But don’t forget, this isn’t just about the two of you. Your child is involved as the silent party. Do not do anything that will jeopardize his position with his classmates or the other teachers. Gossip abounds in those hallowed halls! Marge – 70 something