Women love to shop. Maybe it harkens back to when humans were hunters and gatherers. The men went off to hunt wooly mammoths and the women stayed home and gathered food. Men hunted prey, and bring it home with no interest in looking around to see if there was a better wooly mammoth that tasted better. Women, on the other hand, would spend hours gathering nuts and berries to find different colors and textures of food. Such stamina lives on in the modern woman shopper.
Bag Stasher
For instance, upon arriving at a mall, I scan the parking lot for a parking place. Here I may encounter the ‘bag stasher’. I smile at her while I wait with my blinker on to take possession of her parking place; when she stashes her bags in the trunk and dashes back to the store. There may also be the ‘place stealer’. This is the woman who while I am clearly waiting for a parking place turns into it before I do. The other is the ‘mirror checker’. This is the person who checks the rear view mirror three times, tests all lights, and puts on lipstick before finally pulling out and letting me have her slot.
Rack Pusher
Once in the store, while mingling with the clothes, I encounter the ‘rack pusher’. While I am browsing a rack of shirts, she appears on the other side and spreads out the clothes on her side. This causes the clothes I am looking at to be pushed together. I gently push back on the clothes. She doesn’t glance up at me but pushes back a little harder. The rack pushing battle begins, may the woman with the most stamina win.
Body Reality
The dressing room is where I encounter ‘body reality’. It’s the only place I ever undress in front of three mirrors with lighting emphasizing every dimple and pucker. Wrinkles I didn’t know I had appear and my hair looks dull. Just as I am pondering my arms and why they look yellow in the light, the salesperson arrives. You can spot a salesperson by the constant smile on their face. They receive a 40 percent employee discount on everything they buy and a commission on everything you buy. “How are you doing? Do you need a different size?” she asks. “Yes, I’d love to be a size 6.” I answer.
Check Out Counter Lady
After braving the dressing room the last stop is the check out counter. I place my new items on the counter and reach for my wallet. This is the ‘check out questions’ encounter.
“Do you have a rewards card with us?”
“No.”
“Would you like one? You just need to fill out this four page form.”
“No, thank you.”
“Was anyone helping you?”
“No.”
“Would you like to take a survey and be entered into our drawing for free clothes?”
“No.”
“How will you be paying for this?”
“Credit card.”
“Do you have a store credit card? I just need your driver’s license to get started.”
“No.”
“We also have this sweater in blue. Would you like it as well?”
“No.”
“That will be $145.96. Did you know if you spend over $150.00 you receive a coupon for your next visit?”
“No, thank you.”
I walk back to my car. Other cars are hovering, watching and waiting to see what I do. I put the bags in the trunk, climb in the driver’s seat, buckle up and smile at the women waiting for my parking place as I drive away.
