First of all, if bodily gasses emitted by the male body offend you or slang terms associated with it, this post is not for you. Though it may be of interest to the man in your life. However, if you are surrounded by the smell and sounds of men, this post is for you.
Men and boys ‘pass gas’. It’s a fact of life. A woman living with gassy men, things get interesting.
As we drive down the road to the local pizza joint, I smell something and it’s not rising bread dough.
“You didn’t!” I grimace to my husband.
His lips curl.
I hit the window button which is baby locked.
“Unlock the windows,” I steam.
“Sorry,” he says, “It slipped out.”
He unlocks the windows…smart man. I cover my nose and mouth and hang out the window. The woman in the next car nods in understanding. As the fresh air blows the fumes around the car, my two boys rate the fart on a scale of 1 to 10. They rate the “toot” a 9. My husband raises in his seat, full of pride.
It’s true…men and boys pass gas because it smells and makes noise. Most of the time my husband and boys are respectful and do not expel flatulence in my presence. But every once in a while, they break loose and “break wind”.
“What are you doing?” I ask. My husband pulls an imaginary rope from the sky.
“Pulling the rip cord,” he answers, as he continues to pull.
“What does pulling…?” I’m interrupted with bulleting gas.
He laughs hysterically. I don’t.
Another time he walked down a hallway patting the back of his jeans.
“Why are you hitting your pants?” I ask.
“I am puffing it out before I reach the restaurant,” he said with a straight face.
I cover my nose as he crop dusts the smell all over the hallway as I hope no one else is behind us.
My personal favorite is the communication between fathers and sons only they can understand.
“Is a release imminent?” my husband asks.
“How do you know that?” my son asks, puzzled.
“Ah, only a man can sense when another man is ready,” he answers. They both laugh.
Men and boys expel gas and laugh about it with each other. It’s just their thing. Hearing my kids laughing with their Dad is worth my occasional nose discomfort. I rate that a ten.